Thursday, January 8, 2015


I was going to write about online dating but I have been hijacked by something called a "Cleanse". 
As I write this I'm in day six of a seven and a half day cleanse. Let me explain.  As we were eating and drinking our way through the holiday season and beating ourselves up over all the delicious, but not very healthy food and drink we were consuming, my wife made a statement that on the 2nd January we would do a "Cleanse”. I, the new adventurous me, with my open mind said, "fine lets do it," not really relaxing what a cleanse was.

Well my friends, I did understand that it was some kind of detox, diet thing, but I was not quite prepared for the intensity of this cleanse.

It started with the shopping list and I found myself pushing a cart round one of these organic type supermarkets loading it up with crates of organic tomato juice, jars of organic sauerkraut, flagons of organic apple juice and tons of organic grapefruit. (Pause while I drink my hourly cup of some type of organic juice).

There were other items needed, kilos of sea salt, baking powder and apple vinegar. Everything in the shopping trolley except black strap molasses. 
There was a secret ingredient that arrived by post from somewhere in New Mexico, made by a Native American medicine woman in her teepee. Romantically that's what I would like to think, but in truth came from a Homeopath. 

The cleanse, or this cleanse consists of starting the day with, what was delightfully called a "Morning tonic” which is made with a mixture of sauerkraut and tomato juice, followed an hour later by a broth made with tomato juice and herbs. Then for the next 3 days you alternate every hour with the broth and freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. On day four you can add Apple juice into the equation, then fruit on day six.
There other enjoyable rituals, like for the first five days before going to bed you drink a mixture of olive oil and grapefruit juice.  Yummy! And soak in a bath of ether sea salt and baking soda or Apple cider vinegar.
Keeping the best bit to last, during the cleanse you give your self a minimum of three enemas of black strap molasses and water.

Now for me anything like this is deeply personal, to be kept within the family, not to be spoken about. So imagine my shock when my wife asked the shop assistant where she could find the molasses and when the woman asked what we wanted it for and my wife said proudly, "We're doing a Cleanse "' when I expected some other reason to be given to keep the "Secret"! Though, for the life of me I have no idea what one uses black strap molasses for.

You see I was ignorant of the fact that it seems that all Americans do a "Cleanse" of one kind or another and most of these there is a need to stick something up ones bottom and drink weird concoction. In fact it's not a taboo subject but on the contrary it's a conversation piece: “Shall we meet up?”  "Yes what a great idea, but not this week as we are doing a 'Cleanse’.” " Great I did mine last week, which one are you doing etc. etc. as details and results are exchanged.

Who would believe that I would be sitting in Hawaii doing a "Cleanse" with my beautiful wife, not I for sure. You see that's what an open mind and an adventurous spirit allows you to do.
Don't tell anyone but I am really feeling so great, I've lost all that holiday seasons weight and have loads of energy.

Time for another juice.

Stay tuned for online romance.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad that cleaning up your act didn't make you lose your sense of humor!